NATURAL SELECTION
Through Wigan runs a Great Divide:
the slugs down on the Southern side
are subject (as indeed are we)
to unrequited misery
if they can't find a loving mate.
In this pathetic, lonely state
the slug is low in self-esteem
and takes the single life to mean
it has no charm, no winning grace,
no wit, charisma, no real place
within another's heart. And yet
above that latitude, slugs get
erotic satisfaction, joy.
A slug is born both girl and boy;
so sturdy Northern common-sense
finds, in self-love, true recompense.
It reasons thus: hermaphrodites
need never suffer from the blights
of jealousy, rejection, scorn.
It's foolish to remain love-lorn:
there's someone here who thinks I'm great,
who will, always, reciprocate
my passion. Life will be complete -
provided we can make ends meet.
The science behind this is based on evidence. Northern slugs do employ the advantage of being hermaphrodites.
